


we get four or five requests a night for looping bow ties and zipping up cocktail dresses, s'no problem

by tBrilli4ntD4rkness



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Butlering, Either way you want, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Kanaya and Dave work as butlers, M/M, Undisclosed event in a fancy hotel, Unspecified if humanstuck or trolls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25176640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tBrilli4ntD4rkness/pseuds/tBrilli4ntD4rkness
Summary: Courtingatthe party is overrated anyway, and it helps that Karkat can't tie a knot to save his life.Or: Rose and Dave are snarkily supportive siblings.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Implied/Referenced Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Kanaya Maryam & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde & Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor & Karkat Vantas
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	we get four or five requests a night for looping bow ties and zipping up cocktail dresses, s'no problem

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by two pieces of an article about a certain upclass hotel and the butlers that work there. [Here](https://getpocket.com/explore/item/12-shocking-things-i-learned-by-working-as-a-butler-at-the-plaza-hotel?utm_source=pocket-newtab), if you're interested.
> 
> Why the hell is "necktie anatomy" a thing.

Knocking on Rose's door the first time didn't yield a response, so after the second, Dave pressed his ear against the thick wood paneling, an indiscreet move he never would have made if Rose wasn't his sister and the long, plush hall wasn't clear. For his siblingly efforts, he picked up a muffled curse and the jangle of something hitting the floor.

“Rose? It's Dave, though who else could possibly be visiting you at this hour I have no idea,” he teased.

“Give me a moment!” Rose sounded tense with an edge of frustration in her voice. “I'm not opening the door half-dressed, even for you.”

Although Rose's idea of 'half-dressed' covered a lot of ground, Dave had a pretty firm idea of what the issue was. “If it's that zipper I warned you about that's catching, I can help with that. Rose? Rose, I'm not gonna be here all night just because you're stubborn, and what if you end up ripping the thing, then where will we be, I can't just run to the store for you in the meantime I have a job. C'mon it's your bro, your very best, one-of-a-kind--”

Dave's face immediately split into a wide half-grin, half-smirk when the door cracked open.

“Isn't your _job_ to catch and ferry for your _guests_ , brother dearest?” Rose glowered at him, but stepped back as he carefully sandwiched himself into the open space. “I can absolutely send you off to the store to find a replacement for the dress that you did _not_ warn me about if it so pleases me.”

“I mean, yeah you could, aside from the chance it would be one of my lucky coworkers instead.” Dave shrugged, unaffected. “Or we could do the easy thing - scandalous, I know - and let me put my first-class butler skills to use. I did kind of come to help you know, can't leave my sis hanging like that.”

Rose had her arms firmly crossed at her sides, elbows holding back the dark purple bodice fabric that hung loose behind her. She pursed her lips a moment, then shook her head ruefully. “Have at it, I suppose. I can't possibly be later to dinner than is already bound to happen.”

She turned to face the wall, and Dave stepped around the other ninety degrees until he was at her back. The zipper hadn't actually broken, at least, but it was caught at a spot on Rose's back that was evidently hard for her to reach, and that she must have been struggling with for some time. It made Dave wonder whether Rose had known he would eventually show up, and had insisted on trying fruitlessly like a petulant child waiting for their parent to find them. He nearly snorted at the thought. Rose Lalonde was stubborn to a fault, and had the pride of twenty lions to boot.

The zipper was freed quickly under Dave's efficient and well-practiced hands, and Rose turned to face him in all of her intimidating elegance, though the effect was somewhat undercut by the height difference between them. “Thank you,” she said, and didn't even sound pained by the admission of the pleasantry.

Dave's eyes crinkled under his shades, and he magnanimously replied, “Nah, we get four or five requests a night for looping bow ties and zipping up cocktail dresses in party season, it's no biggie. Anything else you'd like assistance with, milady?”

She scoffed. “Other than that damned zipper, I was all ready to go.” Sighing theatrically, she added, “I suppose now my grand entrance will be lost to the masses.”

He made a commiserative sound. “You know what Hamilton said about that.”

“Indeed,” Rose picked her way over to check her hair in the mirror, lest it had been challenged by Dave's interference, and scooped up her bag for the night. She hesitated a moment before dropping her phone into the accessory without checking it, mouth tightening in what on anyone else Dave would have described as nerves.

“I suppose I should have walked away and sent Kanaya in instead,” Dave mused, curbing his rising smirk. "I'm sure she would have been delighted to take the call, once she recognized the room number.”

Rose's gaze flicked to him sharply, her focus practically teleporting from one side of the room to the other.

“I heard she'll be on call for anything with the gala tonight, as well,” he added, relishing the moment.

For a single euphoric moment, Rose's entire face twitched in different directions before settling on a faint rise in the color of her cheeks. It was a constant challenge for both of them to get a rise out of the other, and times like these were the epitome of success. Even if Dave knew perfectly well that Rose would retaliate in kind.

Rose made a small sound in her throat, akin to clearing it but much softer than would have been effective. “I shall look forward to waiting for the first unfortunate attendee to spill something on their thousand-dollar clothes, then; perhaps sticking by the Englishes, even.” Then her lavender eyes turned on Dave, and he couldn't quite suppress the simultaneous chill and heat that shot through his blood as she said, “I happen to know that Karkat is thoroughly useless when it comes to neckwear of any kind. He's never tied a bowtie in his life, I've always had the distinction of doing it for him.”

Ignoring his threatening flush, Dave recalled their first several meetings (before either had dared classify them as 'dates'), and his eyebrows flicked up. “You mean, the entire time . . he wore clip-ons?”

Rose smirked like the cheshire cat. “Well, I wouldn't presume to know what specific instance _you're_ thinking of, but Karkat does own a magnetic bowtie, though I rather think he enjoyed the emotional support more.”

Obviously, Dave had known that Karkat had frequently talked with his two best friends, because the man was a walking firestorm of anxiety and second-guessing himself, but Dave was going to _die_.

“Ahem. I suppose I should . . make sure something is done about that, then. At some point in the future, of course.”

“Of course,” Rose agreed with an eloquent blink, pleased as punch.

Dave moved for the door, but stilled with his hand on the knob. “Enjoy tonight, Rose. You deserve it.”

“You as well,” Rose murmured with a certain light in her eye.

He nodded once, tilting his head. Dave was tempted to give her a wink, but he had places to be and decided to get to them as Rose flared her eyes at him dangerously.

Dave hardly waited for the door to click firmly shut before he was off down the hall, taking a couple of twisting turns in the staffways to avoid the crowded elevators and wondering for the third time that day why the hotel had to be so spread out. The ginormous party happening downstairs was due to start in less than ten minutes, which of course meant that people had been filing in for the last half hour, and that everyone who entered did so banking on the merits of fashionable lateness. After all, it was much more fun to preen in front of a crowd than an empty room or consistently unimpressed staffers. (Really, the feeling was mutual.)

As he turned onto the hall with Karkat's suite on it, Dave caught sight of another butler already heading the same way, from the opposite direction. He sped up to intercept before the other could knock, because while he didn't know for _sure_ that the call had been for Karkat's room, he had a feeling.

"Hey," he said, trying to slow his breathing. "I can take this one if you want, I'm already here. Things are pret-ty crazy tonight, yeah?"

His coworker eyed him for a moment, but evidently did not care enough about his motivations with things as hectic as there were, and only gave him a 'go-ahead' toss of the arm before heading back to the staff entrance. Dave waited until she was out of sight, taking a couple deep breaths for his still-elevated heartrate, and approached Karkat's door.

On the other side of it, a man's voice was audible from a couple feet away. "--these things so gogdamn hard to twist?! It doesn't make it any easier not to choke to death! Fashion is an overrated, irredeemably worthless pile of behemoth leavings, and when I die and meet the amoeba-brained collection of psychotic cells that invented it--"

"Speaking of choking," another voice interrupted with a wheeze, "You are not helping my breathing by thrashing your fingers around my neck, KK. You already called for a butler, just wait two minutes. I swear you have the patience of a flea."

With the encouragement that his skills were very much desperately needed, Dave knocked on the door, and finding it open without an abatement in the verbal flurry happening on the other side, entered.

"There was a request for cravat assistance?" Dave asked in his fancy, polite voice. Sollux's eyes widened when he saw Dave, and he cut a familiar self-satisfied look at Karkat.

"Good to know there's a fifteen minute delay for all helplines in this place," Karkat addressed him without turning around. He paused for a moment, and Dave could easily imagine his expression at Sollux' face - narrowed glare with furrowed brows - with a scathing, "What."

The next moment, Dave and Sollux moved at the same time, one forward and the other back with a firm smirk, and Karkat swung around to see Dave standing there, hands politely clasped and the corners of his mouth barely twitching.

"Of course it had to be _you_ ," Karkat groused, but there was red rising in his face and Dave was sure he was more embarrassed than anything.

"C'mon, that's no way to treat your friend and savior in this predicament." Dave's grin was seeping over his face, slowly but surely.

"I think you missed a syllable in one of those nouns," Sollux heckled.

Karkat rolled his eyes, but his skin betrayed him yet again. "Go fix his tie before I actually rip the thing in two myself, assuming you came here to be useful and not just stand around like a pandead meatsack."

"You wound me, Karkat, truly," Dave put a hand to his heart with a flourish as he crossed to Sollux, who was still eyeing his companion knowingly at the delayal.

With a few well practiced movements, and a couple flourishes for good measure, Dave had Sollux' tie expertly layered and knotted. Sollux smirked at both of them for good measure, before he headed to the adjacent room doorway, tossing an, "We both know he didn't come for me," over his shoulder.

"You want some help with that?" Dave asked gently. He removed his shades, tucking them into one pocket on his uniform in a single smooth movement, like it was the most natural thing for him to do five minutes after entering a room.

Karkat ceased fiddling with the strip of cloth around his neck and swallowed hard. He gave a barely-there nod and tilted his chin up, face aflame as he exposed his throat. Dave reached out and took the ends of the shell in his hands, focus dancing between what he was doing and Karkat's lashes as he worked. And if his hands lingered a little longer, well.

"Is Rose already down?" Karkat asked after a few moments of quiet.

"Yeah, I saw her first, figured I could eek out a little more time if I did. If you don't mind," Dave answered honestly. Karkat shook his head. "I offered to sicc Kanaya on her the next time she needs help getting ready."

Karkat chuckled at that, and something wound in Dave's chest loosened. "Don't threaten them with a good time, idiot."

Dave grinned. "I dunno, maybe she'll return the favor at some point. Don't want to be staking out your door at all hours and chasing everyone else away, 'cause people get suspicious when you do things like that."

"On the intermittent times that I come here for company events and whatnot, _suure_." Karkat's expression clouded a bit. "You aren't going to be in trouble for this, are you?"

"Nah, I'm just a man doing my job. As long as I don't stay here an inordinate amount of time when you have somewhere to be, we're fine. Then again, after reading bedtime stories for an hour and a half to four thirtysomethings tucked in bed together, I'm not actually sure what qualifies as 'inordinate'. And some of the bathing experiences Kanaya has had to stay and 'supervise'," he shivered. "Do you even know how raw my voice was after all that reading? I was ready to call up Bernadette Peters and beg for her to fly in and spare me."

"Shouldn't have been that much of an issue, you talk that much all the time except with less sense and more incessant tangents. I'd be shocked if you actually shut up when you sleep," Karkat threw his hands into the air, and Dave caught them. Karkat smiled faintly, "Though I suppose I can see why those people wouldn't let you stop until you were rasping and bloody. You have a nice voice, when you use it for actual conversation."

"Ever the master of the double-edged compliment." Dave felt the tips of his ears turn pink.

Pointed coughing from the doorway interrupted the moment, but couldn't shatter it completely. "I didn't leave you two alone to gawp at each other all night; we do in fact have somewhere to be." Sollux moved for the suite door, waving his hand. "Kiss and let's go."

Karkat stuck his tongue out as Sollux passed and Dave tried to quell the burning in his face without success, but they both leaned in the at same time. Dave felt Karkat's hand in his hair, scritching his scalp just how he liked, and had to force himself not to reciprocate the gesture and make Karkat's locks more disheveled than they already were. He contented himself with a hand at Karkat's neck, and the other around his back.

"You better not have spread your lipstick all over my face, someone might actually notice that," Dave grinned when they parted.

"Uh huh. I'll make sure to leave you a sample, so you don't miss me too much while I'm gone," Karkat returned. He leaned in for one last peck before drawing away to where Sollux was opening the door.

Dave followed them out into the hall, returning his shades to their place as he went. "See you after the banquet and all that," he said after the door was locked. Sollux and Karkat gave him nods with equal amounts of smug satisfaction and disappeared off down the hall for the elevator.

Dave himself absconded back into the staffwork, leaning against the wall around the corner and letting a small smile bloom onto his face. Eventually work would call him away again but for now he relived the memory of that kiss, half wishing that Karkat did have red waxoil with which to mark him.

When he saw Kanaya later that night in the staff kitchens, they paused to exchange a set of furtive smiles.


End file.
